Rubber band theory of dating
2014 might be the year you have decided to find a partner. So to save you some time I have recently been immersing myself in the world of self-help and dating manuals, (let's say it was for "research") to decipher their key points, their plan of action.
If The Rules made relationships into terracotta coloured unanimous spheres, John Gray Ph. explains his realisation that men and women are actually different things (!!! They are more concerned with outdoor activities like, hunting, fishing and racing cars.Since then the sexes or aliens or whatever they/we are have been at war! If your boyfriend/husband/whatever sods off then comes back a few weeks later ready for a "special cuddle" you need to act like a JCB and punch him in the face.There's a lot more to this chapter, but I find myself suddenly snapping elastic bands.If men are rubber bands, women are like waves, presumably we're errosive and cover everything in salty tears. Gray reckons we're fine most of the time then every few weeks we get pissed off and upset at being the only one who ever bleaches the sink.Without being too clever I think he's talking about periods.I defend my right to act like an incoherent killer whale once a month, if you don't like it you can wave goodbye.
Apparently, if we learnt to deal with our 'wave cycles' we would feel our PMS symptoms go away, all we need to do is some 'Emotional Housecleaning'.
The most worrying aspect of this entire dating manual is John Gray's belief in and assumed in-depth knowledge of aliens.
) - in some very unrealistic prose - when he and his wife had a fight. Seven years to come up with the concept that people are all different in a really weird analogy. When Martian men are upset they go into caves according to Chapter 3 - a real cave, a metaphorical cave, I don't know. Then the man-Martian has to put on his 'Mr Fix-It Hat', unless he's on an 'away-day'.
(She called him a 'fair-weather friend' a term only used by those over 70 these days and means for divorce). reads like one long sex metaphor while telling a story of Martians and Venetians coming to Earth and forgetting they were different species. Their dress is designed to reflect their skills, police officers, soldiers, scientists, cab drivers, chefs all wear uniforms to reflect their power. Probably the most notable point from the whole book, quoted by Bridget Jones to Margaret Thatcher (maybe), is the rubber band theory.
One can assume moving to another planet on mass would evoke a kind of communal spirit, with everyone chipping in like during the Blitz, but apparently this is a bad thing. When a maaaan loves a woman, as the song goes, he acts like a rubber band.
This is why the aliens all started falling out, they got selective amnesia. Stretching away to assert his own independence and to check he actually wants you, before coming springing back like a massive bastard.